We’re Out of Breath, Not Solutions

By Ramsey Musk 

I have been at a loss for words each time I have sat down to write this, which, if you know me even a little bit, is shocking. To share my thoughts on how to create a more inclusive industry, how the industry can do better, and the procedural steps to lead us into a new era of hospitality, I finally got to the bottom of it, the reason why words seem to escape me on this topic. It’s because I’m not out of words; I am out of breath.

Seemingly everyone has given their two cents on how to create a more inclusive industry, myself included. I have sat on panels with people I admire and have looked up to and discussed the harsh realities of being a LGBTQAI+ bartender during Pride month countless times, but when Pride is over, so is the urgency to make lasting and dynamic changes. 

Sounds bleak, huh? 

Well, especially given the current political climate, it is. In the wake of having core funding stripped from federal research initiatives, to the declaration that Trans folx must have their sex at birth stated on all legal documents, to the countless other efforts by those in the current administration and the emboldened acts of everyday people, it is hard to maintain even an iota of hope and/or happiness. To be completely transparent, I’m tired; we as a community are tired.  Seemingly everyone, who is not a cis straight white man, is exhausted. Rightfully so, I might add, and this is where I feel like we always find ourselves. Talking in circles about how we as a community can create these conversations that will lead to more representation, better treatment, and general inclusivity. It truly is the most vicious of circles because how many times can we present options and insight that are ignored. 

So, I don’t think I am going to do that again. Instead, I am going to take this time and space to share some experiences and pen a love letter to my queerness, my family, and this community that I have found myself drawn into and held tightly by every day.

I have spent the majority of my career fighting for a seat at the proverbial table. It is a tale as old as time, but it is important to recognize, especially where I am now, how hard the fight has been. This is not novel, especially for those of us who aren’t straight cis white men (sorry, but it’s painfully true), but the number of times I have been told, “you are being too much” or “tone it down’’ is chilling. The truth is, the way in which I have moved through this industry, being berated by managers, treated as though it was my privilege to make others money, and to be typecast as a gay trope, and demeaned for not playing the part, is unfair. However, it is through these experiences that we find our voices. Our resilience is what has made our community strong, diverse, and ultimately why we are so successful. When the world around us is hateful and harmful, what do we do? We find solace in the things that bring us joy: art, film, fashion, community/friendships, etc. We are able to cultivate our talents and use art as a form of self expression that transcends us needing to explain ourselves in real time. It has been through these experiences of negativity that I have found my own voice like countless others before me and undoubtedly after me. To all those who have shut the door in my face, gatekept, and generally made my experience more difficult, thank you. I know who I am, and I have been able to create the spaces that I have deeply yearned for. You pushed me to find the people who do believe in me and my ideas, so in trying to quell my interests and creativity, you have undoubtedly pushed me to be the most authentic and true version of myself which has helped me cultivate my family in this industry and beyond. So to my sweet angels trying to find their way: be loud, take up space, be kind to those around you, but make them eat their words. Make them eat it because we have every right to be here and to succeed in this industry.

We are not tropes. We are not a statistic for your hiring initiative. I have watched representation bloom since I started in this industry. At first I saw one or two queer people on a national level in this industry, and now, I look around to my queer friends running programs in major cities, representing brands on a local and national level, owning award winning bars, mentoring, and leading initiatives to uplift queer bartenders in their communities. It is something that brings me so much joy. Again, be loud, make those see you for who you are. You deserve to be seen. We deserve to be seen, and we still have a long way to go. Complacency will be the death of us all.

Looking back to when I saw no one to look to for guidance and when I, along with Nathan Hazard, started a queer bartending event that highlighted and gave a platform for LGBTQAI+ bartenders in Los Angeles called CampOUT, it was novel. There was nothing like it anywhere. Now, today I watch my friends create similar events both locally in their cities and nationally and ask me for guidance. A tear wells in my eye. In yearning and demanding for more, it appears that in some way we become what we desire most. Now, I am not saying we were the root cause, but maybe we were part of the conversation. I don’t know, but it’s still inspiring.

We have come a long way, but here is my advice, to the industry as a whole on how to be better, but first to any LGBTQAI+ bartender who has felt underrepresented, or belittled, or just a little hopeless in this industry. Keep going. Be loud. Be kind. Ask questions. Demand respect and take up the spaces that you wish you were in. Our existence is political, never forget that. Change is made through finding a commonality and shifting perspectives. You are talented and we all deserve to see who you are and what you create; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Create that event that you wish was around, do the work, and have them gagging when you pull it off. Now, to the industry in general, move over and make some room for the rest of us. Be kind, we are all just people at the end of the day. And, I swear, if I keep seeing all male bar teams and just a lack of representation across the board, I will crack some skulls. Grow up. Diversity makes for a better and more joyous bar (and world, but I digress). When you don’t have to fight for a seat at the table, you will never fully understand what it means and feels like to get it. Allow us to exist, support and show up to our events, don’t make everything about you, foster education and stop gatekeeping. 

I will leave you with this, “there is water in my eyes and a fire in my heart. Do you want a drink? Or a spark?” – Al Sharif Al-Radhiy

Mama’s Boy V.1

• 0.75 oz Blanco Tequila
• 0.75 oz Mezcal
• 0.5 oz Midori 
• 0.25 oz Suze
• 1 oz Pickled Cherry Pepper/ Kinome Cordial
• 0.5 oz Acid Adjusted Pineapple

Add all ingredients to a cocktail shaker and shake with ice for about 10 seconds, until the tin is chilled and ingredients are well incorporated. Strain into a rocks glass, rimmed with coconut salt. Garnish with Kinome.